10th September 2009
Sophia has her first day at school today and my life ticks on. I made a phone call to the school explaining the situation. They told me to go in early so I can speak to the head mistress. I remember my eldest’s daughter Kayleighs’ first day at school I was twenty four years old and time has flown by.
I walked into Sophia’s school with the receptionist greeting me. I said “I’m Mrs Mendoza”
“Yes just take a seat and the head mistress will be with you shortly.” And she handed me a form to fill in.
Other parents started to arrive with their children in tow. All in uniform excited at their first day except one little girl who protested. She was crying and kicking her mother legs. Sophia was not fazed in the least at all the commotion. I filled in the forms needed for the school a teacher helper took Sophia into the classroom.Once I had finished filling the forms in I walked into the corridor to find the head mistress. She opened her office door and guided me in with a welcoming smile.
“Now take a seat Mrs Mendoza”. She insisted and I explained what was happening while she took notes. Tears started to well up in my eyes I could not control them any longer.
“If this will make you feel any better I have had cancer and two members of staff have had breast cancer. So you are amongst others who understand what you are going through.”
I thought, thank you it is about time I could talk to someone who was not cold.
Ok I have friends and family, but they were over emotional except for Steve. I found I had to be cold to make them strong or else I got upset. I found her calming and attentive which is a blessing. I wanted to talk without feeling angry or frustrated and she had that calming effect on me. The tears finally flowed down my face with every word said. She pushes a box of tissues in front of me to mop my tears up.“We will do everything possible to help during this time of distress. Do not think you cannot talk to us. Please phone the school once you have dates so we can help.” And finally she says. “I am sure Sophia will be fine here and don’t worry.”
I left the school feeling uncertain of what the future might hold...
I went back to pick Sophia up at 3.30pm during that time I had a phone call from the Big C hospital confirming an appointment for the plastic surgeon on the 21st.“Mum it’s been a real shit year”. Kayleigh held her head down.
“But Kayleigh welcome to real life it is not all roses and chocolates.”
The reply was blunt, but it is the truth. She is my eldest daughter and a realist like her mum.
“If we knew we would be hit by a bus tomorrow would we leave the house? The answer is clearly No! We would stay at home. Well we all have pre-cancerous cells somewhere. It is just what causes them to get aggressive. That is the million dollar question, but do we encase ourselves in a protective bubble waiting for the invertible to happen?”
God knows what she is thinking right this moment. Nineteen years old and she has to worry about her mum having breast cancer.
After talking to her in detail about the position I’m in. Reassuring her it can be treated and the operation that is needed. We changed the conversation onto her medical problems.She has been passing out for no apparent reason and she is having tests done. I am praying it is not related to her febrile fits she had as a toddler. They did inform me once she was off medication that hormones and stress could trigger them again. Only time will tell and she must have more tests done to rule it out.
Since my parents divorced I have had no contact with my siblings it was a personal decision. The divorce turned nasty and the blame game was being used.My eldest daughter has their contact details and if I contacted them problems would start up again. So I must decide how I should inform them. The fact my father’s death is still fresh may rear up ill feelings just fester at the surface. So Kayleigh has decided she will tell them.
At least if I keep a distance this can be controlled somewhat. I feel sorry for my daughter having this pressure, but we both agree it is the sensible way of informing them. They will thrive on the fact that once again the middle sister is suffering, but life goes on.
Steve made his opinion perfectly clear on informing my sister’s DON’T. He knows it has consequences with their behaviour and selfish attitude to me. He wants me to understand that his concerns are for Sophia and the stress it may create.