19th September 2010
The pictures that were took of me for the calendar were fantastic and funny, but it is not me. It is the clown face that has been painted thick and strong. Strip the make-up and fancy lace away, that is me. We try to create normality and strength in our actions as a group. I had brought a satin pale peach pair of shoes with four inch heels and diamante detail on top of the heel. They had put a barely colour corset and a barely coloured bra and thong on me. With chocolate stockings which set the shoes off a treat. I stepped onto the gel and a red amp and guitar was waiting. The poses that were pulled were unbelievable especially me balancing in four inch heels. I did feel a million dollars and that is what Sharon wanted, but when she started to cry I felt guilty. It was as if I should not of been there in some way. This is wrong of me to think this way, but I had not been on the same journey the girls were still on. My journey was nearly at an end treatment wise. If my mammogram is clear it just means regular checks and no medication. One of the BC girls was not so lucky because the treatment she is on is delaying the inevitable for who knows how long.
I look at all the BC girls and admire their determination not to let this diseases control them, but every now and then tears were still shed. The attention we received from the crew and the odd passersby was amusing. It added more determination for the girls to poses and flirt with the camera even more. One man just could not help himself returning after he fell over when I dropped my dressing gown. The BC girls and Sharon did not shy from the attention because it is what we all craved. To grab our femininity back and to show breast cancer is not an end, but a beginning. We were dressed to impress and we surely did that over them three days on two locations.
I just hope that all goes well with the calendar and the very reason it was done remains strong.
The calendar officially goes on sale on the 10th October and a book will come out in December. I am officially Miss April 2011 and I chuckle at the thought. I not seen the picture being used for the calendar, but Sharon has assured me it looks fantastic.
I am so pleased for Sharon and the ladies involved. There will be a launch party for all the ladies to attend. Although our journey has not ended with breast cancer. It is the confidence boost the ladies needed to spur them into a positive place. I have requested that all 440 people on my face book page pass it on, and I’m praying the book of our three days doing the shoot sells well, and it receives an award.
On my return home two letters were waiting for me. One to confirm my surgery for the 15th October, and the other my mammogram 21st September. My heart is sunken at the thought of returning back to the room I was diagnosed in, but there is no going back only forward. I must remain positive for sanities sake. I’m full of what if’s and no real answers.
Steve’s cousins party was ok, but at 2am I climbed into my bed with Sophia and left everyone to it. 4.30am I woke to everyone packing up and leaving. Steve’s cousin could not go nowhere because her things were locked up in someone else’s home. So she had no choice but to crash at our home. I’m pleased this happened because it meant the house would be cleaned in the morning. Steve’s cousin woke at 10.30am and started on the kitchen and all was sorted by 2pm. I know if she had left in the early hours this would of been left all to me to sort. Steve had to go to work in the morning.
But at the end of the day the birthday girl had her party and I got my house back to normal.