30th November 2009
My eldest daughter Kayleigh had been contacted by my younger sister. She was requesting if I would release my medical notes for doctors up north to review. I found her request a little strange because Kayleigh could not tell me the reasons why. Or that she could not make the request on the phone herself and explain.
The girls in the family are very intolerant of each other and thrive on attention. Intolerant is a strong word to use for my sisters, but I was biased to them even jealous of the attention they were given.
As children my elder and younger sisters were forever falling ill. I was the energetic fit and healthy child out of all four siblings. It was only when I had my first child that I had any understanding of pain. So it was my turn to suffer in their eye and I am doing exactly that.
Now if there is a medical problem I’m always first to inform straight away. The other girls do not behave in this fashion and would keep me in the dark.
I decided to ring my breast care nurse up and explain what is happening. Straight away she knew what the request was about and strongly advised me not too. Not unless she was willing to explain herself and why?
Again it strongly looks like my sisters are looking out for their own interests and not mine. The reason behind her rash decision making was the GENE test. Now the nurse said that the gene test is not needed in my case. I am a fluke of nature and like she explain before I fell in the 2% bracket. For me to have high grade DCIS and so extensively was pure bad look. The fact I had caught it in time before it had spread means someone was looking out for me. If I really believe in the supernatural and guardian angels. Then someone that day was watching over me.
The tension within the sibling network is beyond a joke and to stop any further arguing I remained silent up until now. My anger for this diseases is deep, but my anger for my siblings is deeper. They put obstacles in my way where the relationship with my father was concerned.
I tried to remain in contact with my dad, but he was not interested. So when he was diagnosed with brain tumours and died 16th July 2009. I had taken the decision not to go to his bed side or grave side. I knew I had something wrong and I could not face him or my sisters. It was too much to face and I knew the sisters would do nothing but fight while he lay helpless in a bed. So I left them to sort it all out and to comfort him. Kayleigh went up because she had more of a relationship with my father than me. I dealt with the grief in my time out of the way of eyes of the family. My friends and husband respected my view and let me be.
But the reason my younger sister wants to do the gene test was because of family history and cancer. Friends have said they would not even entertain doing anything or putting pressure on me. I have given all the information needed now she should respect my privacy. Her request is crazy because of insurance and our mortgages could be affected. She clearly had not thought her decision through or was getting the wrong advice. We are only young and the statistics are breast cancer will affect 1 – 9 women in their life time. So whether you have the test or not you could still develop breast cancer. So why tempt fate? I decided to contact her through her face book page because she has a habit of slamming the phone down. Which to me is very immature considering our ages? I gave her all the details on the disease by sending the link to McMillan web site. I also gave her the number to my breast care nurse if she wanted to talk.
The breast care nurse found the request untimely and not taking into the account of the stress I had already gone through. The pressure she was putting me under was totally uncalled for.
I go to the shed outside to get the Christmas tree and decorations. Sophia has been excited for a week or more now. When you think about it this is a first real Christmas where she asks questions and understands what it is about. Has I bring the Decoration boxes in it rubs against the side of my right breast. I get a sharp pain, but brush it off. Then again something else rubs past my right breast and I feel a difference. I’m on my own and I head straight for the bathroom to investigate. There was a swelling at the side of my right breast. It was distorting its natural shape and you could see it visually. My heart sank at going through the same procedure over again. Bang goes my peaceful Christmas with Steve and the kids. I ring the breast care nurse and leave a message on an answer machine. I know I am at the clinic on the 16th, but I am not sure if I should wait.
I try to distract myself by putting up the tree and decorations, but somehow it doesn’t have the same appeal anymore. There is only what if’s running through my head.
I go to collect Sophia from school with my heart sinking at the thought. When Steve arrives home I ask him to double check it with me. He agrees there is a problem there and to make an appointment to see the specialist.