9th November 2009
Went to the Maggie centre today for my massage that I booked. I am taken into a side room with a massage table in the centre. She asks me what would be easiest lying down or leaning against the table. I chose to lean against the table. She asks me to remove my top and bra while she prepares the oils with some relaxing music playing in the background. She gives me a towel to rest against and a pillow. She warms her hands up and the oil. And gradually glides her hands over the scare on my back. The sensation was so relaxing my back had been in so much pain from the drains. Every time she ran her hands near the drain scare it tingled. But it felt good and I wish Steve could do the same. She explained a man’s touch is firm unlike a women’s so it would not feel the same. You have to be gentle with such a major operation. My back was hyper sensitive to touch now because areas of feeling were missing near the scars. I noted every time she touched a certain area the feeling was in my breast. That I found weird and I had noticed this when Steve stroked my back. This made me feel sickish inside. It did not feel normal, but I gritted my teeth and ignored. Sometimes you have to switch off and relax rather than fight it.
I left that room feeling a million dollars and relaxed. I went to get a coffee and sit down to absorb what this wonderful women has done. Something so simple and without the worry of finances can be such an aid in recovery. That is why we need more centres like Maggie in the UK. They offer a free service that needs more support financially.
Mum decided it was time for her to head back up north. I was relieved somewhat because I was worried she would fall or something. She has all the help she needs up north all set out. There are emergency buttons all over her flat if she falls. When I left my house my heart was in my mouth at what could happen. It sounds selfish when I say, but I did not want the worry. I cannot take care of myself properly let alone my mum. I dropped her off at Kings Cross and made sure the staff would help her. Part of me wishes she had not come down because of her disabilities, but I am grateful she did. My mum is not well and her treatment is seriously worrying me. She needs to get further checks because she has deteriorated since last I saw her. A sixty four year old should not be in her condition and I have left her to travel on a train alone.
Letter from the Big C hospital:
Dear Dr S,
Re: Ms Sarah Mendoza – DOB: **/**/**** NHS Number *** *** ****
**, M*** **** Road, Northolt, Middx, *** ***
Left mastectomy and latissimus dorsi implant-based reconstruction on 16th October 2009
I saw Sarah in the clinic today who is now one month post the above procedure. This is all settling down nicely and she is mobilising her shoulder well. I will see her again in a few months