21st November 2010
I had a fantastic day window shopping with Lindsey today. We went into central London to search for a masquerade ball mask. Lindsey had never been to central London before. So we wandered down to China town and I took her through Soho for a laugh. There is a place called Cox, cupcakes & cookies. She thought it was a cake shop at first because of the cupcakes in the title. It soon sunk in it was not so innocent. Lindsey is from Leeds a little younger than myself, but not a BC lady. The conversation was made up of dry humour which I revelled in. Londoners are too sensitive to Yorkshire humour. We say it as it is, not what others want to hear. So I was able to speak my mind without worry of offense.
I and Lindsey went into Liberty’s just like when Lyn took me to site see. The prices of items she was comparing to up north. There was a tailors dummy priced at £2000. Lindsey replied. “Well I paid £20 for mine in the market!” I laughed at her response because she held no punches. When we reached the top floor Liberty’s had their Christmas items on display. Amongst the items were masquerade masks. We thought the masks would be double the price, but no. I took the mask to the till to pay for it and they asked if I would like a points card. Me and Lindsey turned to each other and smiled. We were two Yorkshire lasses with barely a pound between us, but were being asked would we like a reward card. This made our day, but I declined their offer of a card with a polite thank you. When would I have the money to shop there again. Yet it made me and Lindsey feel important for that brief moment. Once I had paid £5.95 for my mask we checked out various other items in the shop. We knew we could not buy nothing else, but having a Liberty’s bag made me smile as we walked down the high street.
As we headed back home we found an old fashioned styled sweet shop. We got a 100g of our desired sweets. Mine were gob stoppers to shut me up and Lindsey had alphabets. It is amazing what a bag of old fashioned sweets can do to the mind. We chatted about our childhood and how things have changed. Things were so much simpler back then or were we just shielded from the truth? Well my childhood was not so simple, but the sweets brought forth good memories. Our day trip into London soon ended, but it was a added distraction which was defiantly needed.
The only issue I have in my positive moment is the theatre had emailed all the charities involved with the calendar. Why they did this is beyond comprehension. Trying to defend your company while slandering someone who has not even had any contact with two of the charities involved is out of order. I should sit back and smile at the hole they are digging, but this is Sharon’s fund raiser. To put a negative on something that does not involve the theatre is disgusting and highlights their true nature. Not once have I slandered their name in any form. I made my reasons clear for not returning to their establishment. Those very reasons they had brought to my attention. So I have a right to defend and apologise for any offense which I may of caused. The fact that the theatres story had changed slightly in the email they sent to the charities highlights their total disregard to me.
The theatre thought in their good nature to cc it onto me so I had a copy.
Does the theatre honestly think that they are the be all and end all in my general chat with others. I certainly think so because they are obviously judging me by their standards. My silence to their behaviour must leave them thinking that people I associate with are interested in my affairs. I left the theatre not because of payment, but my time there was done. When someone ridicules you in front of staff members and young people you must save face. Especially when you are not contracted to them to remain there. I just hope in their rash attitude to send emails and to leave a phone messages. Does not bounce back and bite them where it hurts.
My visit this week to see my consultant to discuss my biopsy lead to the usual prod and poke. The date for the removal of the calcification in my right breast is either December or January next year. So I’m once again waiting to see and ponder on the forth coming results. I did ask what the treatment would be if it shows something. I personally demanded that they remove my breast. The issue there was it was a registrar rather than my consultant, but it was noted.
I am fit and healthy except for the diabetes. So I should stop complaining and find peace of mind in the fact they are dealing with it, but your mind still turns to what if’s?
All the BC ladies are lovely, but they have similar issues. They feel out of sorts and there is no way forward. No matter how you look at our situations which are all different. We all want the same thing, but how? How do we move forward on this conveyor belt of prodding and poking? No matter how much you wish for a end to this journey. The realisation that it is not possible for another five years as long as all results remain clear is frustrating. Not only that every ache and pain leaves you questioning has it come back.
The problem with remaining in a group of BC ladies you see mistakes. Mistakes that could of been prevented. Women don’t feel confident about the system that treats them. The fact we have to remain on the ball and push our requests highlights that. The lack of appetite and lose of weight certainly signifies it in my case. I am barely sleeping which is abnormal for me. Part of me hopes nothing is found, but I have lost faith even if the cancer is not there. It is important to know you can trust the system that treats you. Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Well so far my argument is valid. Like my husband pointed out if your child gets hurt. The offending party is not worried you are because it is your child who is hurt. Until it affects them then the true nature of this disease is just a ride in a fancy car to work.
I bought a lovely long black evening gown for the calendar/book launch party.
Me, Karen, Pauline and Lisa are going to share a hotel room. They are all bringing bottles of bozz and we will not be sleeping. These women are living for the moment not wasting one second. Knowing what this women has gone through and going through leads only to admiration. Any other person may have curled up and let life drift by, but no not theses girls. They are on a mission to prove you can beat BC even at its worst.