Saturday, 23 April 2011

Easter Break Away

You would have actually thought I was on a horror movie set this past three days just gone. The sea mist/fog that engulfed the east coast was horrendous. My poor daughter only got about thirty minutes on the beach the entire mini Easter break we had away from London. The dense mist was engulfing everything in its path. Some teens on the beach lost their football because the mist was so dense. I personally have never seen sea mist behaving this bad before.
It was really funny watching my mum in her electric motorised chair going along the coast line path at six miles an hour. The mist had a way of swirling around her chair and my daughter who was catching a ride was howling with laughter. In some sections of our walk you would of expected the pirates to swing there sabres or the eerie music to kick in from ‘The Fog’. It would have cost a movie production a small fortune to create such an effect artificially.
On the coast overlooking the beach is a manor called Cliff house. Every time I go to Marske I am transfixed with the design of the building. The house is something out of a Charlotte Bronte novel. It stands alone facing out to the sea with views to knock you off your seat. I said to my mum if I won the lottery tomorrow I’d buy that house and bring it back to its original state. When I saw the fog stroking its stone exterior walls the romantic side of me wanted it even more. It is a shame it has been converted into flats for the elderly, but the history is there to be unravel.

I can imagine the man who chooses that precise place to build that house was a romantic and loved the sea. You could actually imagine a candle being a light by a woman in the window wishing her lover a safe voyage out at sea. Why else build a house so close to the ocean?

Sophia making friends with Barny
The Ship Inn
Anyway our time spent at Marske was a well deserved distraction from the grey surroundings of London. Now I have returned to glorious sunshine and a heap of washing to do.


Monday, 18 April 2011

Why Can't We Be Children And Have Fun?

Is there a happy ever after story? Does this journey have to have so many tears? So far in over one year I have had six women die of BC on my FB page that I am aware of. I would of spoke to them said hello or put a post on their FB page. But recently at some point I actually stopped typing. I was afraid if I started to get involved to much then I would see another smiley face disappear. I have the select few BC girls that I hound on FB and chat to, but the fear had set in. Slowly I am chatting more again and joining in conversations others have, but I am still scared. As I write tears are welling up in my eyes because it is hard to swallow, but this is the reality of BC. That the community you participate in has casualties of this dreadful disease. As selfish as it may seem you pray strong and hard that you will not join that list that is ever increasing.
Then I read a FB post today of I so wish I was a child again. And in some way I can relate to that post. I never wanted to grow up as a child. The thought of makeup and drinking was not on my agenda of important things to do in life. Whilst my friends were propped up at a bar drinking and flirting. I was under a pool table tying boot laces together of some burly biker. I was a mischievous young women not at all mature, but I still am. Maybe that is why I say I am an odd jigsaw piece that does not fit the typical picture.
I want to be a child again, but society forbids it because on the outside I am an adult, but I ask. Is this the reason some of us adults dress up in a tutu and a pink wig? Is this the real reason for all the pink fluffy regalia we see? Does this give the adults an excuse to be a child for just one day? Surely the rebel of an inner child that is bubbling to the surface finally has permission to emerge from its dark hole once again.
I am trying to understand the fascination of pink and the link with BC. And maybe this is it as annoying and preposterous as the pink symbol has become. Maybe we are aching to be children inside to hide our fear/upset towards this disease. The journey of BC strips all sense of worth or value away. Leaving this empty shell of existence that engulfs your very self of well being.
 As a young person I was bullied into believing I was not normal. That my way or idealisms were just immature fantasies. That one day I would have to grow up and realise climbing a tree did not put food on a table.
Why can’t we be children and have fun?
The park I go to in Queensway has the perfect excuse to be a child once again. You have no choice in the matter. It has been designed to be both adult and child friendly. I decided the other week to climb the pirates ship mast to the nest at the top. My daughter thought it was brilliant guiding my every footing to the top. Then to hear the glee of excitement from her voice when I was at the top. This is my mummy she said to other children that tried to climb past me on the way up. When I am with my youngest daughter I am not going to stop being a child because she has no brother or sister. It is the perfect excuse to let the inner child out or at least have fun.
The Princess Diana memorial park in all sense of the word is Neverland. You just have to imagine you are Peter Pan or Tinkerbell.

Friday, 15 April 2011

Update.. 10p drug could treat breast cancer.

I made an appointment to see my diabetic nurse within an hour of reading about Metformin. I was already under discussion on how to control my sugar levels because they were peeking during the evening. So once my nurse had read the article there was no question asked she wanted me to trail it? Her words were Sarah you are going to be our guinea pig. She said that the actual drug suppresses the pancreas from burning body fats. This prevents an over flow of sugar in your blood stream. This in turn prevents or controls cancer by starving it. Even though I do not have cancer I still qualify to test the drug out because of my sugar levels. On my starvation blood test my blood sugar was 6.7. This is just below the threshold for treatment on other diabetic drugs, but how Metformin works means it does not cause your blood sugars to drop in other words it is not insulin based. You still have to eat your meals on regular intervals, but I can now eat responsibly without sugar level counting.
I personally would advice others to research this drug and ask a lot of questions. Do what I did and photo copy the article and take it in to your doctors. This drug does not just treat diabetes it is used for other health issues. My nurse has started me on 500mg once a day for two weeks and will up my dosage as needed. (Check the following link below picture.)

Click on these links to know more about metformin there is new hope for BC sufferers.

10p Drug Could Treat Breast Cancer.

10p Drug Could Treat Breast Cancer.

A fellow BC sufferer on my FB page placed this article or link on my FB (link below). You now can somehow understand the growing fear that grows inside me. That the very people who are treating me are dismissing me like an attention seeking child. That they are not working together to treat and prevent. Rather than they are playing a dangerous waiting game where they are treating two conditions separately. The lack of direct communication could put me at risk if both conditions are not being monitored as a whole. The words you will be monitored closely are now ringing out loud in my head and will not abate from the crevice they sit in. My fear is very real the questions I must ask are ready to be thrown at my oncologist. And now I understand this beast that grows inside me more they are validated. If I do not get my diabetes sugar levels under control this bastard can return.
Believe me when I say I am not on the phone constantly pestering my consultants. I wait until my appointment is due then I speak out. When I asked two years ago is my diabetes related somehow to the breast cancer it was dismissed. Now two years on it proves my question was very real. Just like when I asked the diabetic consultant back in 1996 is diabetes link to pre  eclampsia? And that was dismissed.
My GP decided last month I did not require medication for my diabetes based on my blood results unlike my diabetic nurse. My blood test still showed I was border line in requiring medication, but what if that is false. What if my treatment should be based on two conditions not one at a time? I know I will be taking this article to my diabetic nurse and discussing it at depth rather than my GP. She is more open to a discussion than my GP. Like I keep saying on my post I hate taking tablets unnecessarily, but this is important it is not an anti depressant or pain killer.  
I am not on any medication to protect me from my type of breast cancer from returning, but this article gives me hope unlike the carrots. My cancer was not hormone receptive it was HER 2 +++. It was pre cancer, but an aggressive form of cancer. My breast was removed and reconstructed in one swoop of a scalpel. With no other treatment required because the pre cancer was in situ. So any thread of hope that can say it can be controlled permanently is a thread I will grasp with two hands and not let go.
I can understand people reading this thread saying well here she goes again. Jumping ahead rather than waiting and seeing, but I want to know. I demand the right to know and I will not go away and ignore the fact that waiting is not a choice for me. Unlike many other women my cancer could be controlled at the cost of 10p. Do you think I have a right to shout? Would you not shout or at least question?
The fact that my diabetes falls in a loop of no real answers is baffling to all involved with treating me. They argue all the time at what type of diabetic I am. Personally my treatment to me has too many holes and I do not want to become a statistic where the damn system fails me. So I am on guard and the little robin is back to kick arse!
I just hope this link/article gives answers to other diabetic suffers with breast cancer.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

What about pesticides Doc?

So I have to eat carrots to reduce the risk of breast cancer. F*** me what next! (Excuse me swearing) I don’t want to burst bubbles here but I ate all my bloody fill of fruit and veg. Did not protect me! Why? Because the amount of damn pesticides spray on the vegetables now that reaches my plate. I feel I am constantly repeating myself on my blog about diet, but I am bloody angry. I want those so called advisors to come check me out. Check my life style and my parents and how they taught me to eat and exercise. That sat on my arse on a bus or in a car in traffic is not the healthy way of living. If you can save a pound or dollar and loss a pound in weight bloody walk my dad would say. You don’t need these fancy exercise tapes it is free to all. I now pound the pavement in anger for every article I read about breast cancer. I want a cure and I know about vegetables and fruit. I am not thick!
Once upon a time you could go to a farmer’s field pluck a carrot from the ground and eat it. Now you are advised to wash it and peel it before consumption. When will we actually own up to the beast of cancer. It thrives on our greed for a rich easy life style and we are at its mercy until we correct the damage. The facts that we little people rely on cheap vegetables to stabilise our diets which are covered in pesticides. So we feel we are eating the right foods is not even addressed. Some of us cannot afford organic because our budget don’t stretch that far. (Especially in this current climate of tightening purse strings). It is ok for people in a position to advise those less well off, but the fact that fast foods in London work out cheaper than healthy grates me.
Once upon a time the poor ate far better than the rich. Whilst they ate white bread we ate the rougher pieces of the grain which now makes whole grain bread. While they ate the juicy centres of the vegetable we ate the healthy dark green leafs left over. Now those very bits of roughage cost the bloody earth to buy. The very stable diet the poor had got sucked up by the damn rich with a price tag to boot. I listen to the old people talk about how they had the best of the best. This is so true because they are reaching grand old age’s of 100+ and have all their faculties’ intact, but what is going to happen to me? Will I reach the grand old age of fifty let alone one hundred?
OH I would love to look like a fluffy rabbit shouting what’s up doc every five minutes, but I am me. Not a bloody fluffy tailed pet.  Whilst people are looking at prevention like it is so easy. They are jumping the blank spaces like the fluffy tailed critter.
When reading this article your heart skips a beat and you pray that what they are saying is the hands on truth. But as it stretches down the page of the Metro paper it is full of maybes. When you see a maybe it covers their arse from being sued for displaying misleading data. 
At least cancer research in America is backing it this time and it isn’t any herb company jumping on the band wagon of breast cancer.

‘The research centres on the role of a gene called RAR-beta, which the experts believe reacts with retinoic acid when the two come into contact with each other, resulting in retinoic acid's anti-cancer capabilities being activated.’

Saturday, 2 April 2011

Follow Your Dreams No Matter What!

I had a fabulous time on the shoot for ‘Baby love’. The song is a jazz version of the old ‘Baby Love’ that was sung by Diana Ross to be released in June/July 2011. We had our makeup and costumes checked and done. Then I had to sit at a table and pretend to drink wine with a fellow Extra. He was a good looking Grenadian man and yes we were pretending to flirt. Apparently we had to give off the impression we had known each other for more than the fifteen minutes. The couple behind me and at the left of me were actual couples. I was just the odd one out along with my now new partner. Other Extra’s on set kept saying you two look to convincing pray your husband is not watching. I said that’s the idea! We all laughed at my response and I smile further at my video partner.
We were all complaining the apple juice and blackcurrant juice should be real to help us relax. The men had soda water mixed with apple juice to portray whiskey. We all had to pretend to drink as we gazed at a white board smiling occasionally glancing loving at our partners. The white board made your eyes go slightly out of focus though.

You would hear the words Take 1 and a title then the clap of the board in front of the camera. Then the words action as the artificial smoke in the room circulated round our ankles. Every now and then I would drift onto other things clogging my mind, but my on camera partner and I would chat nonsense once the camera stopped rolling. I had him in fits of laughter with stories I had to tell. We would listen to the instructions of the assistant director and play them out like a couple of serious actors which was so funny. I would say Ok! So how you going to unfold your arm from mine without stumbling? Two attempts and it were smoothly done. Once they had finished the front of the club scene they had to film from the backs of our heads. This is when we got to meet Mitch Hiller and his band members. Mitch Hiller has worked with Chaka Khan and many others composing and writing music. His career and band members go back years in the music industry. They thought my story of a guitar and posing for a calendar a bit of a fib so they called my bluff and could not believe the image was me. They said they would check it out later on their computers and to follow them on my FB page. We were in the Jazz/Salsa Club in Streatham for four hours, but to me it felt like just an hour.

Mitch Hiller

I and Mitch Hillers Band