Thursday, 5 May 2011

Don't Be a Doubting Thomas

We can wallow in self doubt or we can embrace the cards we have been dealt. No amount of research I do will change the dark cloud that follows me. My life is in the hands of Mother Nature herself and always has.
If my cancer returns, or not, I intend to live every second remaining with the vigour and zeal it deserves. I admire those people that want to research every fact and poll, but it will not change their or my position just frustrate an already stressed out mind. All we can do is be vigilant and quick to speak out if we have concerns. That is the legacy of the breast cancer lottery. Whether I bang on about wanting a cure it will not change the hideous truth. For some the cure remains elusive with no glimmer of hope to survive it’s grasp. Men and women are dying of this dreadful disease every day.
I have taken control of the beast that lays dormant in my body and I am filling my days with new experiences. I cannot live for breast cancer and the torment it creates.
Thankfully I am now having experiences that once upon a time I would have said Sarah you cannot do this. I need to regain self belief that breast cancer will not be the last words I utter, but the total opposite.  For if I had listened to doubting Thomas I would not have been chosen for a role in a movie.  
I want to see and gain valuable skills on a film set and that is exactly what I am doing. I would love to see a script I have written become something more than words on paper, but I also need to develop self belief in me and who I am. It does not matter what others think. What is important is I can say I was there and I damn well tried. I could live till I am a hundred for all I know, but when you start to doubt in your ability to recover. That is when you enter a whole new chapter of events. Personally I do not want to live off doubt, but belief that I can do anything I set my mind too.
So to those that say hey you’re a nobody trying to be a somebody. Yes, but isn’t that what life is about. To strive and overcome adversity in a time when doubt overshadows a bad experience. To me that is something to be admired in any individual.
I look at breast cancer as a challenge and not my death sentence.  Some would say that is a naive statement, but naivety is to ignore facts. Cancer is not the only killer out there. Sadly across the road from where I live a young man was stabbed to death. Again gang culture in London has swallowed and spat another young life out on the kerb. He was twenty one years old and a very much loved individual who will be sadly missed amongst his family and peers. No doubt the local paper will have more details about the reasons for his death, but still it is a young life that should not have been taken.
The young man that committed the murder will now face a stretch in prison. Both families are facing a life sentence over a pathetic argument that should have been ignored.

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