Tuesday, 31 May 2011

What a bloody downer!

I hate my dreams, I bloody hate them! I go to sleep in a perfectly relax mood and my brain goes into override on the day’s events. So I honestly could not of been that relaxed. I sieve through my day trying to work out what could of triggered this depressing dream.

1.       This is a depressive article about the true reality and the search for a cure. http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2004/03/22/365076/index.htm
2.       I had written on a FB page of a fellow blogger and had read her recent blog. ‘Being Sarah’
3.       My granddads, nana and father’s death to tumours and cancer.
4.       I am writing a script using experiences from my teenage years not cancer related, fragments were in the dream.
These four things had got mashed together and had folded out into a mini movie in my head. It will teach me a lesson to go digging into memories whilst reading postings on my FB board.

Whether we see it or not life is a bit like a snake and ladders board. You will be rolling a dice and strolling along and hit a ladder. ‘Oh fantastic!’ You say to yourself, ’I have a ladder!’ and you climb it. Then you roll the dice yet again and you hit a bloody F’ing snake. So life is full of bloody snakes and ladders, but personally I don’t want either. I like walking along my board hoping I find the one hundred. To me for every ladder there is a snake in hiding. Depending on its damn length who knows how long your slide will be. That is the pattern of depression and its effects on you.

My sleep pattern is a bit like this also. I’ll be going to bed on a positive high and my dreams tell a different story. The stress of day to day living has a way of twisting you into a depressive state of mind. I hate my dream, I so hate my dreams especially when they are not nice dreams. I want candy and happy thoughts not the dream I had last night. Now I will be feeling crap all day because I will be thinking about it. What a bloody downer!

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