Sunday, 22 May 2011

Once Upon A time

Once upon a time I did not have breast cancer nor did I carry the fear, but it is strange how the pages fill out as each page turns. The chapters of past events have taught me valuable lessons not just because of the breast cancer.
Even though people have come and gone I am still here. The harshness of BC you cannot hide from nor the guilt you feel, but you must remain positive to this disease.
From this day whatever decisions I make influence my path and people that tag along in my shadow. My family are my priority, but I cannot ignore my needs. The question I ask and many others have implied, is there anything in my life that I would change? The answer is no because it is impossible to change the past. Wishful thinking cannot change past events. No-one is to blame for my body misbehaving in life. So why change what I have become?
The words ignorance is bliss do come close to how I really feel. If I was ignorant I would not know the true reality of BC and its aftermath. It would be a case of denial, but ignorant is not something I can attach my name to. The fact is if I was ignorant I would not have caught the disease in time to reverse the outcome.
I watch Sophia live out her childhood without a care in the world.
She does not want to see me stressing myself out about something she clearly has no understanding of, but truthfully could affect her in more ways than one. My eldest daughter is from a previous relationship with no history of BC on the fathers side, but my youngest does not have that luxury. I pray that both my daughters once upon a time stories do not have the hic-ups I have had to endure, but the worry I must admit eats away at me some nights.

2 comments:

  1. We all end up redefining a new normal. I feel like I've experienced yet another loss of innocence, appreciating even more the energy & carefree lack of concern about my health now that it's gone. Even as I feel better, the ghost is always in the background somewhere. We are changed. But if we have done our best, no matter what happens to us, we can live without regret. If it weren't breast cancer, it would have been something else. Life is bound to leave calamity on our doorstep sooner or later. Cancer sure is a unique one, though. xxoo, Kathi

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  2. You said it as it is Kathi..'Life is bound to leave calamity on our doorstep sooner or later'.. It just whether we can face these calamities with a new found strength rather than frustration..

    xx Sarah

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