‘The healing process only begins when you start to accept the chapter written whether it is good or bad.’
I am acceptant of my situation, but I am also argumentative. I can blindly walk through life knowing at any point it can be cut short or I can be pro active. Cancer is me it is who I am and my heart is still beating strong. Yet part of me cannot ignore its possible return. Although my breast has been taken away and rebuilt the fear of cancer has not dissolved. I am a realist with a sharp wit about me. I personally trust no-one because I know me and who I am.
When I take time out to read other blogs and try to understand their personal journey with cancer. The realism of this disease sets a cog in motion. This cog that turns brings forth questions. It is therapeutic because you realise your questions are no different to theirs. Your fear which sits firm on your shoulder whispering in your ear doubt is no different to theirs.
Our tormentor through our personal journey is fear. Fear of not being heard or taken seriously. The slightest pain we feel or swelling we question should we mention or not. The cogs that are set in motion do not stop even when we sleep. We are told to move on with our lives to set goals, but you cannot ignore those that have lost their battle to this disease. This brings the question why?
I sat down in the clinic at the Big C hospital and for once it was empty. I innocently said to the nurse who was busy writing on the board the next set of consultants for the afternoon shift. ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if it was like this all the time?’ She turned to me and said, ‘Yes, but then I wouldn’t have a job.’ ‘It is very true cancer comes with a very big price tag.’ I reply.
Yes my words were flippant, but the nurse did not take offense she knew exactly what I meant.
At least my angry nipple isn’t angry anymore.
I call this image 'Anger management with a brush'