Saturday, 16 July 2011

Doubt, doubt, and more bloody stress!

We all have a calendar/ diary with certain dates locked in place. We fall back on these diaries/dates because of the constant questions that arise at appointments. July has never been my favourite month so to have my father die and my BC journey start on that month two years ago was no surprise. People find it odd as well because it is my birthday month, but I have never felt the need to celebrate it.

To distract me from my glum day I go check other blog posts. One of the posts goes into great detail about marriages ironic really because I gave up on my marriage sometime back. Then I think about the examples of marriage that I have acquired and it is bloody understandable. Most of the people I know are onto their second or third marriage by now.
I was an immature twit when I said marriage is for life and you’re in it for the long haul or not at all. You think about infidelity, but not the constant morning farts from some mans arse that turns your stomach. What happened to prince charming that could do anything and everything without a tear shed? Does he even exist?
I understand where my fellow blogger is coming from with her written word. She had found prince charming and lost him to the very disease she too has had to face. CANCER!
She questions why remain in a situation if you are unhappy? I am not unhappy just a little pissed off. I so wanted my marriage to be the one that actually survived, but I have only doubt left. To me you absorb the punches until the time is right. No my husband is not abusive or I to him, but I have slung a plate or two in frustration outside to release the steam building up. Only to realise I have to spend more money to replace them so I have given up on slinging plates. It isn't cost affective and men do highlight that problem.

Since my husband finished his University degree he is making more of an effort to patch the differences up. He has even admitted he has neglected his obligation slightly which is a beginning. In fact I would actually say the old Steve is back, but I ask myself is that because his father is stopping for three weeks and he is trying to soften me up. Doubt, doubt, and more bloody stress! with every marriage there is always the odd thistle.

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