Friday, 16 September 2011

Beggars cannot be choosers can they?

I have realised an annoying fact of having the curse of cancer lurking, or if I word it another way being in the so called cancer survivor box. Every ailment or pain people begin to believe you are actually trying to say you have cancer again. People just want to say shut up, move on, but some dare not just in case they are wrong. And being left with the guilt of being wrong is the worst feeling trust me. You are put in a position do you talk openly about it or stay quiet. If I had not gone through breast cancer I would be entitled to have a grumble, so why can’t I now?
On a previous post I mention my hip because the psychological effect cancer can have on the person in question not out of pity or fear of return. You need to switch off, you want to switch off, but you cannot. And the truth is you do not want to become too complacent over something that could actually be more than minor. This I have been made aware of because I have been told if you think you have a problem go to your GP, but I did not walk into that GP office saying, hey I think I have cancer again? Even if there is a shadow lurking. In fact like normal we went through the list of possible and he said ok ultra sound then we can of a base to work from i.e. pain management.
When I had my cervical cancer scare I never actually made a big deal. The yearly smear test I never once said, ‘Oh Fuck it might be back’ it did not even enter my mind. I ask myself why? Why at the tender age of twenty six did I not panic? The only concern I had was that I might not have a natural birth because of the scarring to the cervix. The doctor had sat me down and explained that it can prevent a natural birth, but my reply was hey I did not have it with the first and she maybe my one and only child. The years went by and my cervical cancer scare became a distant memory. I honestly believed I would never have another child. Life went on and the only time I mention my little operation is when the paperwork wanted past history. Just like when I had the mole removed off my back. It was only when the plastic surgeon queried why I had the scar and I had to think before answering. So I did not spend my time thinking hey I have skin cancer either. I had moved on...
So why am I panicking about breast cancer? What is so different about cervical cancer, skin cancer, and now breast cancer? MEDIA that’s what! When Jade Goody passed away from cervical cancer the media was there to talk about her every move. It brought the reality of a female cancer to the media attention. This in turn made young women realise the importance of that cervical smear. Until then it was never taken serious and young girls were missing a very important test. The fact a young women in the media eye had cervical cancer switched a profit light on with the media. Then once the media scrum died with Jade Goody on her journey with cervical cancer it left a gap. Why? Because without Jade Goody plastered across the papers there was no profit to be made.  
Women are still dying from this cancer along with other cancers yet it is not as pinked as breast cancer. Why? Breast cancer affects men also, so why not have pink with blue poker dots? It is just an observation, ridiculous but true, but why not?
Breasts sell with the female form, but no-one wants to see the reality of having breast cancer and when you feel shit whether it be a man or woman. No-one wants that image in the media because it is depressing and not appealing, but at the same time we are not celebs. We want a smiley face just like my modelling photo’s with a positive note. Even Jade Goody faced the wrath of people who felt it was not right to see her in her last moments of life. That it should be private not plastered across papers or on television, but it made money and viewing figures.
My cancers X3 were very real to me and all have left their scars, but the media and its influence on how we see these cancers, and how we should inform about cancer are creating confusion and with me some anger. I want cancer as a whole taken seriously. No type of cancer should have less importance than another. They all can shorten your life expectancy... That is the truth not a negative, it’s a fact.
When an individual questions or even discusses their journey in a negative light it is seen as being selfish. Anyone can read my blog and be left with more questions than answers, or believe I do not want to move forward in some way. My hip is a classical symptom of the negative smoke screen.  I am hoping it is nothing but Sciatica like a person described to me today, but even sciatica needs a trigger. Yet until the scan is done I cannot say anything, I am in limbo, but if I did not have breast cancer it would be sciatica wouldn’t it? Why would I even contemplate it being anything to do with cancer? And why would the media without the focus on breasts want to purely concentrate on breast cancer rather than any other cancer?
Confusing to you, well it is for me because I bloody cannot fathom out how I bloody damaged my sciatica nerve, or how the hell I got breast cancer or any other cancer. In fact I would sooner be sipping martinis on a beach without even mentioning cancer, but beggars cannot be bloody choosers can they?

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