Saturday, 12 November 2011

Mr Bellringer How Dare You!!!!

Sometimes I ask myself why people even bother sharing their opinion on national television, especially on such a sensitive subject such as cancer. A friend mentioned a program called ‘My Transsexual Summer’ and how she was extremely angry with a statement a plastic surgeon had made.

Quote from Gender Reassignment Surgeon James Bellringer at Charing Cross:

‘We often get criticised why are we doing this operation which is cosmetic not life saving. But actually if you look at it as terms of quality of life we probably have the best operation there is.’

‘These patients before the operation are miserable, so an operation which theoretically cost £10,000 is delivering forty years of very much improved quality of life. There is no cancer operation that delivers that much.’

Mr Bellringer how dare you compare transgender and cancer patients by using survival statistics and cost. I had my mastectomy on Riverside wing at Charing Cross and whilst I sympathise with what transgender patients have to go through you cannot compare the realities of the two. My journey with cancer has left its scars both physically and mentally. I did not ask for cancer, just like your £10,000 a pop transgender patients did not ask to be one sex or the other. Your arrogant remark has yet deepened an already sensitive subject, especially when the NHS is already questioning whether certain medications should be used due to cost mounting on cancer treatment.

At first I thought maybe my friend might have heard wrong, but after watching this program myself I can see how the isms of cancer have struck again and created controversy.

I cannot believe the audacity of this a so called surgeon insinuating on national television that cancer life saving treatment is wasted money and then hides behind quality of life to validate that point. He is not an oncologist, but a urological surgeon and what would he know. I am personally saddened by this surgeon’s total disregard of what this surgery really means to a cancer patient. After all it affects 1-3 in a lifetime and you cannot pick who it will strike. And I know damn well the finger was pointing towards breast cancer because he is a plastic surgeon.

Mr Bellringer makes his appearance 42 minutes into the episode.

About Mr James Bellringer

An apology is needed MR JAMES BELLRINGER!!!!!!

Sunday, 6 November 2011

A cuddle and a Painting

It is strange how in one day a total stranger can give you more cuddles in five minutes, than your husband has given you in one whole year. I am not the type of person, who allows strangers to cuddle me, but this individual just burst forth with arms like an octopus and it felt genuine. It was not out of pity even though the conversation did surround cancer and the use of woolly hats. It was more a hug of hope, that somehow there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. The word sorry was not mentioned or at least I can’t remember it. The conversation was funny, witty, warm and natural, but I will never see this person again. Yet it felt like an old friend who was playing catch up.  

Also today I and Sophia went to The ‘Arthur Christmas’ World Premiere. We managed to get tickets to see the film inside which was an early 7th birthday present for Sophia. On Sophia’s 7th birthday I will be getting my nipple tattoo or the start of it. I have already said I don’t want to see them doing it. It has nothing to do with the tattoo itself, but more to do with the sensation. If I don’t see I won’t panic and the job will get done with zero drama. All I want is a curtain and someone to chat too and I’m happy.

Breakthrough Breast Cancer has asked me to sign a release form for images taken at the modelling slot I did at the hospital. And I completed a painting I did of my father in law at my art therapy class at ‘The Maggie Centre’.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Circus of Cancer Land...

An individual is only as needy as you choose to percieve them...

The words ‘Sarah you look gorgeous and you are so brave’ do not ring true somehow. I never heard the words gorgeous or brave before having cancer, so why do individuals insist on saying it now?
The fact that I can strip off in plain view, so people see the reality not fiction of having a mastectomy is me sticking two fingers up at this disease. I personally like defying the bullshit society is focused in on. I do not want to be seen as a hospital number or statistic, but an individual who has feelings and a voice. So what does gorgeous or brave really mean in BC land? For a forty something it means nothing, but a nod and not so convincing smile of acknowledgement.

Cancer land and the way people view me on my journey is not a reality I mapped out. Even the ‘Oh I’m so sorry’ bunch of people sat in the wings ready to pounce. But for me it is a every day occurence of BC. As quick as that word is regurgitated in my presence I quickly say, ‘What are you sorry about? That I am actually still here talking...’ The pause in their reply is so long and laughable.

I should carry a swear word box around with me so every time that word is mentioned people have to donate a pound for the ‘Sorry I Have Cancer Appeal!’ And the fact that people always say sorry for saying sorry will mean it will double. Oh does that sound sarcastic, maybe funny, well hell yes it is suppose to be because there is truth in those words that’s why it is funny. How many times have you said sorry lately, plenty I bet.

I woke up and realised that cancer does not take humour away, but the individuals that keep saying sorry do, so don’t say bloody sorry in my presence, but then again I will not have that pound hmm, bloody say sorry I dare you... that’s the Yorkshire blood counting the pennies...

Another annoyance that I have come across is every time I take my freaking bra off someone says ‘Oh that is a good job’ Like it is a work of art and I am unaware of the fact my breast has been mutilated. My mastectomy or imposter sits proud and loud while I look down thinking really. I mean is my mastectomy really that good? Or is it just a bunch of people lying their arses off to save face, when really they would like to say jeez who butchered you.
I mean it happened in the playground, so why can’t it happen in a hospital environment with adults. What should I be chuffed as a chimp being viewed within a cage at having such a lovely lump of silicone and back muscle?
At times I feel I am a clown within the circus of cancer land. That I over compensate with humour to hide the anger of individuals reactions. I know I am confidant, but some days that confidence is lacking and I actually feel like punching someone which is normal considering. Ok, so my grumble done till next week.......