Thursday, 5 July 2012

What if's in Cancerland

A message had been left on my answer machine from my BC nurse. I had a urgent appointment booked for a core biopsy to be taken from the so called cyst. Cancer cells had been detected after having a aspiration and they needed to do further tests to find out what further treatment would be required. On arriving at the hospital my BC nurse would be explaining further.

After a sleepless night and mulling on the what if’s. I was so bloody glad I had found this lump. The cancer that I had there before was not hormonally receptive only HER2+++.

I arrived at the hospital at 8.30am and went straight to my BC nurse asking her what the in’s and out’s were. It was explained that I could be facing chemotherapy and Herceptin if it turned out not to be DCIS. If it was the high grade DCIS which they had left behind it would mean just a operation and maybe radiotherapy. My BC nurse asked how I would go about explaining to Sophia. Well how do you explain to a seven year old? The fact is it is a one day at a time situation. The BC nurse went on to explain what they see from the mammogram that has been booked today will judge whether I need the MRI. I have been here before and this conversation this time seemed totally different to the one I had for my mastectomy. The questions and details of what I would be going through was totally different. The urgency within her voice to get this lump biopsied was all about prepping me for the worst outcome.  

On arriving at the mammogram room the radiologist team were waiting for my arrival. Each one of these people now know my face well and could not believe the result from what seemed like a harmless cyst. They all sat with me explaining the details as best they could about the what next with my BC nurse.

The reconstructed left breast is more or less numb, but my right breast now rebels. The fact my right breast is full of cysts does not help. A couple of minutes and several images taken I am then taken to the ultrasound room to have a core biopsy done on the lump. It is bloody ironic that all of this is happening in July. My dad had passed away July 16th 2009 and my birthday is the 29th fan-bloody-tantastic!

On arriving home from all the upheaval of the day another message was flashing on my answer machine. A MRI appointment had become free for tomorrow morning and I was to arrive at 9.30 am. These guys meant business and yes it had been explained there was a possibility I would be booked in for a MRI also.

Am I pissed off well yes of course I am pissed of who wouldn’t be, but I have already mapped out my week whilst I wait for the MDT to decide what will be the next move on Tuesday. This is the only way to deal with the ticking clock and Mr P taking control. Another issue that infuriated me about this whole scenario was the fact I had seen my GP who has messed up before on Monday. I had mentioned the fact I had stomach pains and they were getting worse. I had explained this to my BC nurse and how he had given me once again Omeprazole to ease the stomach pain. He had said that if the problem has not cleared this time he would send me for a ultrasound. I had a prescription for two months supply. Now what if this is all bloody link then what? I was advised to change my GP because they know the outcome from having my mastectomy was sheer luck. Not only that, but what if I had gone to the breast clinic back in January 2009 rather than August 2009. Maybe just maybe this situation would not be happening. It is all about what if’s in Cancerland.

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