Thursday, 25 October 2012

Gossip and Cancer

With my youngest daughter currently I’m a protective lioness in the way I behave. With the whole bubble that we currently share it is more about routine rather than tears. Every now and then yes I do loss my temper with the day to day chores (i.e.) Sophia cleaning her room and doing her homework, which as a parent if we don’t keep up with children will neglect.
Meantime I still walk the mile and half to school and back. To me I must keep that part of our routine up. It not only help’s her, but me too. I’m not one for fuss; I’m a northern bird who believes in start how you intend to finish.
To me that finish line is just out of sight and no-one can help in speeding that process up. I’m realistic and say it as it is, not how others on the side lines so want it to be. And trust me I have heard enough and seen enough to realize the only words that count are mine, so when I’m told from another mother that had gone in my defense where she had heard a one parent say to another outside the school gates ‘What’s her problem?’ and my friends reply, ‘She is having a change in look or she is going through cancer. I’ll let you take your pick!’ It really did upset me. I had kept my bald head hidden from view once I had shaved. Sophia had made it clear she was not comfortable with the other children seeing my bald head, so I had been wearing woolly hats because the weather had turned cold, but today it was warm and my head was itching. I and another parent had decided to walk that mile and a half together up to the school and she said take that hat off let your head breathe. Don’t let others bother you, you look ok. Then she said I had a shaved head up until my late twenties sod everyone else. I said ok, but I insisted the hat will have to go back on once I reach the gates because of Sophia. At that I walk past these two parents with my bald head and the parent who approached me to tell me what had happened overheard the comment.
Yes I could do something to settle the gossip once and for all (i.e.) wear a t-shirt in bright neon lettering maybe, but that is what Sophia wants to avoid. She does not want to draw attention to what her mummy is going through. At seven years old she had already clocked up that adults are not very forgiving with their comments and their children likewise. She had gone through a year of hell last year at school due to bullying and things had just settled down. For me to draw attention to my situation could put her back to square one. She had learnt to put certain peers in their place and ignore, so for me to react would be to her detriment. I making a scene and walking away could put Sophia back to square one. One child had already gone up to her asking about me and saying your mum has get breast cancer after her mother had heard the conversation between me and the receptionist at the school. And Sophia smartly told her yes so what my mummy has breast cancer, so what! Sophia walked away to avoid getting into further conversation. She openly told me all of this when walking home from school the conversation starting with she had a bad day. I knew it would not be long before the playground conversation turned onto me and it could not be avoided. The cups of coffee, cups of tea syndrome, has begun. I just hope by my friend putting them two parents in their place does not have repercussions in the playground for Sophia. Otherwise the Lioness will have to come out bloody roaring and no-one wants to see that because I am not a southern softy.

The visual affects of cancer treatment we should not feel ashamed of, but before I started my treatment I knew someone who literally locked herself away whilst her eldest daughter took the responsibility of walking her sisters to school. Yes the treatment was partly to blame, but part of me wonders whether she may also be trying to protect her children from unwanted attention.

 Took Sophia to the premiere of  the new bond movie where she met director Sam Mendes... Yes it was naughty of me, but you only live once...

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