Since my recurrence diagnosis I have literally been left out in the cold. And my Yorkshire humor is my only solace when discussing my day to day feelings. I have not seen any of my so called oncology team since deciding my treatment. The only contact has been with nurses and two registrar's who I made clear too... you mess with me and I will mess with you... and trust me my next appointment that is exactly what is going to happen.
How can a group of people who say you can trust their judgement on your treatment be so bloody blasé?
Thankfully with the support of my friends and family that are close and far I’m dealing with this anger the only way I know how.
There is something that I innocently said to my husband after returning from one of many breast examinations that is bugging me. I remember telling my husband a year or so ago about these sweeping examinations of my left MX breast by the registrar’s that they were not thorough. On conversation I said Miss S did a better job on checking.
My obsession with my remaining right breast meant frustratingly I remained the talk of the MDT board. Every appointment I would say and what about this and what about that? Questioning their every move and with those questions they had to investigate, but only on two occasions did they actually check my MX breast with an actual hands on full breast examination. And each time it was Miss S that did that very thorough examination.
At one point only a year ago an emergency registrar that was brought in thought I no longer needed the six monthly breast examination appointments and was going to discharge me. It was only because I stepped in and said actually if you read my notes I had my mastectomy 2009 and I am due another six month appointment that alarm bells started to ring in my head. On checking my notes he actually said he did not see the point because my case was straight forward, but referred me anyway.
Someone has strongly suggested I go for a second opinion, not only that but offered assistance in finding that second opinion. The temptation to actually take up on that offer to finally get to the bottom of this mess is tempting, but the pressure to also remain quiet because I want the journey to just disappear is also there.