Having the Chemo blues is one strange sensation. The shock of going through all this treatment is now sinking in. The only way to describe how I feel is to say I’m at the bottom of a very steep hill, and my mind and body are fighting to scramble up. Reaching the top seems easy, but the fear of the not knowing makes the hill much steeper.
The 19th is slowly creeping up and I will get the results on whether the zapping worked. The ‘If’ of cancer treatment is always there lurking it never goes away especially when you have a recurrence. It sort of shrinks the percentages that the breast cancer lottery feeds on. I did try asking those that were zapping me if it had gone, but their lips were firmly sealed. The fear of knowing that they still could dismantle my MX breast is a path I don’t want to walk down.
To switch my brain off from those worries I have I still kept myself busy.
Book week meant I had another reason to dig the sewing machine out once again. This will be the third costume in 2 months. The receptionist at Sophia’s junior school said I put certain mums to shame. My reply Nah, I just make it look easy because I have the machines sat gathering dust. But the truth is I don’t want to use the excuse of cancer for her not having a costume. I want Sophia to be like every other child, excited about being her favorite book character.